Unbelievably Humorous Books by Michael Jones

Author:Michael Jones [Jones, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2016-01-20T05:00:00+00:00

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He then coughed up some thick green phlegm. I should be in the northern army and shooting these slavery sympathizers. He walked into General Shermane’s tent as a black guard at his post angrily eyeballed him.

“Sir…would you like coffee or tea?”

“I’ll have coffee, but first.” The General leaned back in his wooden chair, looking past Tim. “Guard!” he yelled. The guard ran in and stood at attention. “Drink this tea,” he ordered.

“Yes Sir,” said the guard picking up the metal cup. He took a big sip of the smoldering tea, and then the General waited. He wanted to make sure it wasn’t poisoned. “Back to your post.”

“Yes Sir,” said the guard almost running. The General then grabbed the hot coffee mug and began sipping. Tim left the tent smiling. It’s poisoned…with phlegm and mucus. He thought wondering if the guard swallowed all of his slime. Two birds with one stone.

That night, he was moved from sleeping on the ground, to sharing a tent with two other white slaves who were forced to fight for the south. They also hated the southern blacks, and would even tolerate the northern darkies if they could escape to the north. One white slave did live in Boston before the war.

“Tell me…what’s it like up north?” asked Tim as he sat around a camp fire with three other white slaves. Tyrese took a sip of his hot tea, and then looked at each of them.

“The women are real friendly, especially at night.”

“Are you talking about the black women?” ask Tim.

“Yeah…they act all proper and dress pretty in the daytime, but at night…when they get a little liquor in their system, they get crazy.”

“How do you know this?” asked another white slave.

“I was washing dishes in the back of this fried chicken and waffle restaurant, and this large big ass…dark black woman made a wrong turn while looking for a toilet.”

“They do have big extremities,” said Tim thinking about Miss Maple while sneezing.”

“Why do you talk like that?” asked another white slave looking directly at Tim.

“I’m holding on to my heritage even under the unfavorable conditions bestowed upon me in this country.”

“Your crazy ass better get with the times…you’re not in the home-land anymore.”

“Shut the fuck up and let me tell this story,” shouted Tyrese. “She was so drunk…I told her to use this bucket because the out-house around back was occupied. That woman pulled up her skirt, squatted, and pissed so hard…her ass and dress were dripping wet.”

“That wasn’t so crazy.”

“Later that night…she ate buttered rice and fried chicken,” said Tyrese. “Except…the restaurant ran out of butter early that morning.”

“You’re the crazy motherfucker,” said the pale white slave next to Tim.

“Retribution is unnecessary when we stoop to the levels of our captors,” stated Tim.

“Wigger please!” shouted Tyrese. “I saw when you added that extra mouth crème to the General’s coffee.”

“That woman was a civilian,” said Tim. “The General isn’t.”

“You’re nuts,” said Tyrese.

Tim then stood up. “I’m turning in for the night,” he said angrily. He left the campfire and decided he was going to escape under the cover of night.

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